2025 Rabbi Elliott's Rosh Hashanah 5786 Day 2 Devar Torah

Al Tifrosh Min Hatzibur: Do Not Separate Yourself From the Community
Devar Torah  & Text Study by Rabbi Elliott Tepperman
Rosh Hashanah 5786 Day 2, September 24, 2025

At a certain point in the planning for these holidays 
Rabbi Ariann and I are we thinking that the theme for this year should be
Al tifrosh min hatzibur
Do not separate yourself from the community.

The very first thing I did was spend a few hours looking for texts and commentaries that reference this idea. 
And I realized that we were approaching the subject backwards 

The positive value we were aspiring to is community.
Or maybe even covenantal community. 
Before one can talk about not separating from the community, 
there has to be a meaningful experience of being a part of the community.

When we have done congregation surveys or discussions about what is most important to people about being a member at Bnai Keshet, the desire for community is always high on the list. But if we dig a little deeper we find that community means different things to each of us and this is especially true when we start talking about areas of mutual or communal obligation.

Sometimes people will describe a synagogue as being like One Big Family. I love my family and I appreciate this sentiment  but I resist this metaphor because people often bring a lot of baggage from their families. There are specific kinds of family dysfunction that do show up in synagogues. And they aren’t helpful.

So here is another sentiment:

Cheers!
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came
You want to be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You want to be where everybody knows your name
-Gary Portnoy

A bunch of drinking buddies is also probably quite the right metaphor for what we strive for when we build a synagogue community, but the theme song for Cheers!

Points to some important components:
Feeling known and knowing others.
A sense of warmth, we might call heimishness.
Homey, unpretentious, Come as you are.
Maybe our troubles are not all the same, but we can speak openly about our troubles without fear of rejection.

Similar to a bar, you never know who is going to show up.
You might find yourself on any given Shabbat welcoming someone quite different from you.

Different than a bar, this is a place we come to find moral and spiritual direction.
We are looking for shared values.
There is an expectation not only that we can share our burdens
But we will show up for each other in moments of sorrow.
This is where we start moving toward a kind of obligation that we might call covenantal.
That asks for something from us, that requires commitment.

When a potential congregant comes to meet with me, and is thinking of leaving their current congregation, I am welcoming, but I always try to be just a little discouraging.
I try to just talk about what they might be losing by leaving their community
I push them a little to think about what would happen if they tried engage in their current synagogue to address the challenges that are causing them to leave.

Conversely, When asked by a new congregant, if there is anything more I should tell them about joining BK or our community,
The words “Don’t quit” have actually come out of my mouth.

I am not actually interested in being the Hotel California of synagogues. 
I think it is healthy for us to have a wide variety of options and for people to find the synagogue that is the right fit for them.

What I mean is, don’t quit without engaging with the community, without trying to find a way in, without consideration.
It is often true that what a single person is looking for but not finding is something the entire community would benefit from if we could bring it into the life of the community.

The opposite of separation is connection. 
Not separating from the community means many things 
But one important thing it means is taking that connection seriously,
Treating it as something that is holy and that requires a balance of your individual needs, desires and preferences with those of the community.

Leshana Tova